Everything in my life has changed.
i can't say that i am at all even close to the person i was last year. and, i honestly don't know whether or not that is for the better. maybe in some aspects, it is. and in other aspects, it really isn't.
first of all, my appearance. it is one hundred percent different. I don't look at all like the person i looked like a year ago today. Not only do i not have braces or glasses, but i honestly think that i have picked up some confidence along the way. and that makes me feel like, i don't know, that i'm a more likeable person. that sounds totally cocky, but i don't mean it that way. i just honestly think i am a better person for being able to be a little more comfortable in my own skin. It makes me open up more easily, helps me to make new friends. and so that is a good thing that has changed.
one thing that has changed that i don't like is the fact that i never write anymore. i used to write all the time. used to write my problems down in little rants, on this website and on other websites, in documents on my computer, even in the stupid little diary that my aunt gave to me when i was about 7 years old. and, i don't do that anymore. it's funny though, because there is so much more to think, and talk about, rant about, analyze. maybe its better that i'm not so analogical and obsessive about everything that happens to me, but the thing i'm really upset about is the fact that i don't write for fun anymore. i haven't sat down and wrote a short story, or just something i had from inspiration anymore. i really used to enjoy that. it made me happy, it helped me relieve stress, it really just....made an impact on me. and i'm sad that i don't do it anymore.
friends. friends have changed. miles separate me from the people i was close to last year. all the people on my swim team, in my group, that i used to hang out with every weekend. i honestly don't know what would happen if i tried to recreate that this year, but i know it would be weird, and different, and it wouldn't be fun like it was. there are just too many changes and things that have happened to try and force things back to the way they used to be. not to mention that this year i got into my first actual fight with someone that yeah, i would have called one of my best friends. (if you're reading this katelyn, you win. i'm talking about you on the internet.) but i won't say anything bad about you. what's the point? all it ever does is come back to me, and cause drama. so yes, i am sad that i lost someone i would have called my best friend. and yes, sometimes i do think about what would happen if i became friends with her again. of course i do, how could i not? and of course sometimes old pictures pop up, on facebook, or old text messages, or whatever. it's not my fault that sometimes i relive the memories. but if i am sure of anything in this world, it's that i do not want to try and become friends with her again. i feel like such a different person now, and i don't think i would like reverting back to my old friendship and risk changing the person i am now.
finally, swimming. i don't think i have a final decision about how i feel about swimming. sometimes all i want to do is quit. how much progress am i really making? how much do i really enjoy it lately? and then other days i feel in love with it like i used to. that i know i want to keep doing it and i never want to stop.
i don't think i would ever have been able to predict my life, but i know i never would have suspected it to be anything like it is now.
ill write more soon, i promise!!
