The unjustifiably pink clouds
wash over me, and I blink to let the unexpected waves flow down my cheeks.
icy memories cling and I hear your voice:
you speak to me as you used to.
I feel guilty as I miss you
and it confuses me that this is so.
no,
it confuses me that I must miss you at all.
Before, when faced with a choice,
I have always been able to slink my way into both decisions
with precision, I am able to cling to a compromise
like the green from your eyes clings to mine.
and then somehow, while caught in the middle
i find myself tricking my being into contentment.
I know that the future is blank,
as blank as the moon on this starless night,
but I cannot understand what it means to simply wait,
it has never been fair.
i do not like surprise
unless i know about it before it begins.
I suppose all that I can do with tonight
lies in how long I can close my eyes
and how long my body will be able to stand
the chill.
shivers begin from an undetermined place
and I remember every little piece of myself that resembles you
that has always resembled you
in a way that nature created me
in the way that only nature can place two people together.
and I must pick up the pieces of myself
the pieces that broke that night on the front porch of my house
the night that neither of us knew
we were going to say goodbye.
I will always love you
In a way my mother forever wished I never would.
