Boys

Hello. This is a post about relationships and love and what I'm thinking at the moment.
I've always wondered about those relationships that last for 50+ years.
I mean, I've never really experienced or seen such a successful relationship. Like what does it look like? A relationship where the people are still together because they still love each other, not because the relationship is familiar. I've never really seen that, besides in movies. A couple who loves and flirts and that clearly still has that spark. And that makes me kind of scared.

I'm used to somebody in the relationship getting tired of the other somebody, of one of them moving on before the other one. And I'm not trying to be sexist when I say I think of it as being the guy. Itt just makes sense to me, that the guy will get bored first, and move in first.

It doesn't help that I have experience with this. No, not being married for so long, but with me getting attached and the guy moving on. Before anything really happens, but still hurtful. And I've always blamed myself. Wondered what it was I did wrong this time, wondering how long it will take me to love on. It's hard and it's made me wary. I'm afraid to get too attached but it's so easy for my hopes to rise so quickly. And I'm nervous and I think I have to move fast because they could be moving on any second. Getting tired if me, wanting only to be rid of me. And it makes r really really hard for me to convince myself that things will work out this time. I hope, but in the back of my kind I'm always thinking that it will end like all the others, quick and devastating. It's hard. That's all.