I just felt like writing this.

I recently have been watching a lot of Make It Or Break It, which always makes everything seem more dramatic, and i also recently saw a post on tumblr about cutting.

Not to say that i have cut, have thought about ever cutting, or ever will cut, but it still made me think. What is it that i do when i feel depressed? Goodness knows that i've felt a lot more feelings this year that i haven't felt before, but what are my mechanisms for dealing with these new feelings?

Well, i've thought about it a little bit, and i've figured out a few things that i've been unknowingly doing to help me feel better.

The first, and most prominent thing i think is thinking of the future. I don't know what else i can do but just believe that hard stuff will get better. I think about all of the things that i want, all of the things that i want to happen to me, for me to experience, and it just makes me believe that i will be able to achieve it. I look forward so much to going to college, to meeting new people, to learning new things. i look forward to traveling, to experiencing the world. I want so so much to see it all. I want to look out my window and see a mountain, or a lake, or something new. I want to see the slums of India, i want to see Italy, Portugal, Venice, everything. And when i think about all this, it makes me feel happy. It makes me feel big, important, lucky. And then when i think about it more, i feel scared. How am i supposed to achieve all this? I feel scared, scared that i will disappoint myself. i've already disappointed a lot of people. And i don't mean it, I never ever mean it. I hate disappointing people. And disappointing myself, as in blowing achieving my dreams, well, i don't think i would be able to live with myself if i did that. And i know i have to start now, but i don't know how. Anyway, this is getting off topic.

The second thing i do, is, well, really simple. Crying really actually helps. I mean, i know it's stupid, but, i do it when i feel overwhelmed. I cry, i cry because i'm scared, because i'm sad, because i don't understand things, i just cry whenever. It sometimes makes me feel better.

Well, i guess i imagine things too. I imagine the future, but that goes into the first thing.